As the end of the year approached, the anticipation for the honours list announcement grew. It was a time to celebrate and recognize the achievements of individuals who have made a significant impact in their fields. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement and nervousness as I waited for the news to be revealed.

I had received a tip off that I may have been included in the 2024 honours list, and I couldn’t contain my excitement. I eagerly waited for the news to be announced, and as soon as it was, I rushed to check the full list. My heart was racing as I scrolled through the names, hoping to see my own. But to my disappointment, my name was nowhere to be found. I was gutted.

I couldn’t help but feel a sense of inadequacy and self-doubt. I questioned my worthiness and wondered if I had done enough to deserve such a prestigious recognition. The feeling of being an imposter crept in, and I couldn’t shake it off. I convinced myself that I was not good enough and that I didn’t deserve to be on that list.

But then, I took a step back and reflected on my journey. I realized that this feeling of self-doubt was not new to me. It had been a constant companion throughout my career. Every time I achieved something, I would downplay it and attribute it to luck or external factors. I would never fully acknowledge my own hard work and capabilities. I was my own worst critic, and I had let my imposter self take over.

This realization hit me hard, and I knew I had to change my mindset. I started to dig deeper and understand why I felt this way. I discovered that it was rooted in my fear of failure and rejection. I was afraid of putting myself out there and being judged. I was afraid of not living up to the expectations of others and myself.

But then, I asked myself, “Why not me?” Why couldn’t I be deserving of such an honour? I had worked hard, overcome challenges, and made a positive impact in my field. I had achieved things that I never thought possible. I had to stop downplaying my achievements and start owning them.

I realized that my imposter self was holding me back from reaching my full potential. It was time to break free from its grip and embrace my accomplishments. I started to change my inner dialogue and replace self-doubt with self-belief. I reminded myself of all the times I had succeeded and the skills and qualities that had helped me get there.

I also sought support from my loved ones and colleagues. They reminded me of my worth and encouraged me to keep striving for excellence. They helped me see that my imposter self was just a voice in my head, and it didn’t define who I was.

As I continued on this journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, I realized that I didn’t need a title or recognition to validate my worth. I had to believe in myself and my abilities. I had to embrace my imposter self and use it as a driving force to push me towards my goals.

And then, something unexpected happened. A few months later, I received a call from the honours committee. They informed me that there had been a mistake, and my name was, in fact, on the list. I was being honoured for my contributions to my field. I was in disbelief, but this time, I didn’t let my imposter self take over. I accepted the recognition with gratitude and pride.

As I reflect on that moment, I realize that my imposter self was just a figment of my imagination. It was a barrier that I had created for myself. But once I broke through it, I was able to see my true potential and worth. I learned that it’s okay to feel like an imposter sometimes, but it’s important to not let it define you.

So, to anyone who has ever felt like an imposter, I want to tell you that you are not alone. We all have moments of self-doubt, but it’s how we handle them that matters. Embrace your imposter self, but don’t let it hold you back. Believe in yourself, and you will achieve great things. You are worthy, and you deserve all the success that comes your way.

In the end, I am grateful for my imposter self.